How Communication Affects Relationships At Work

Many people think politicians are unbalanced, but they are not unbalanced in the way that you might expect. They often answer questions and speak in a manner that makes it difficult to understand what they actually mean. Their strong desire to be diplomatic often leads them to use vague and ambiguous language. This leaves you none the wiser. In contrast, chefs like Gordon Ramsay blurt out frank and often highly offensive statements, which can send most people into a spin. This means they often reject what he is saying. While this can make entertaining TV it is not an effective style of communication in most contexts. In fact, it is well known that poor communication affects relationships at work.

Neither of the examples above is effective in business because there is a paradox in communication. To be an effective communicator, you need to master two complementary traits. These traits may even seem paradoxical. If these traits are unbalanced, they can lead to psychological and communication rigidity.

Imbalances in Communication Cause Rigidity

For example, if I’m extremely diplomatic I will always seek to be tactful and avoid upsetting people. I will allude to things and talk around them rather than being too direct. However, this mindset can lead me to believe that being frank and direct is bad, hurtful, and offensive. I may start seeking evidence to confirm this belief. As a result, I might avoid being straightforward at all costs. I will avoid frank people and label them as ‘difficult’ or ‘ignorant.’ This mindset prevents me from recognizing that my virtue of diplomacy can become unbalanced, leading to confusion.

However, if I am very frank, I will prioritise saying what needs to be said and view it as a virtue. I will emphasise the need for ‘honesty’ and ‘the truth’. I’ll hold a belief that diplomacy is soft, wishy-washy and just a way of pandering to people’s hyper-sensitivity. I won’t realise that an unbalanced virtue of frankness actually becomes a vice.

Rigidity Causes Problems in Relationships

Imbalances in the paradoxical traits of frankness and diplomacy cause endless problems at work and in the world at large. When an extreme imbalance exists between the two traits, people become rigid and inflexible in their behaviour and attitudes. A rigid trait causes individuals to focus solely on its positive aspects, ignoring the negatives. This creates automatic and habitual behaviours that repeat over and over again. People stuck in these patterns remain unaware of them. They don’t realise they are limiting their effectiveness. This often damages important relationships because they lose the ability to choose their behaviour. They end up believing that ‘that’s just the way I am’.
Where there is a strong imbalance in the paradoxical traits there is also an interesting side effect.

Each trait has an equal and opposite internal psychological force which manifests under pressure. When a person has high levels of diplomacy and low levels of frankness, frustration can arise when others don’t ‘get it’ or ‘can’t take a hint.’ In response, they may ‘flip’ and become blunt. Likewise, I have seen many very frank leaders who are normally rather blunt, flip into evasiveness. For example, there are times when I coach a senior manager about their behaviour. When I meet with them and ask why they think they need coaching, they often don’t know. This is because the normally blunt leader has been very evasive about their mistakes! I now always ensure that there is more clarity for the Coachee and this sometimes means coaching the leader first.

Awareness Empowers Flexibility

By recognising the imbalance in their approach, most people can start to see the benefits of the complementary traits they have been avoiding. This helps them acknowledge that improvements are possible and that making changes may even help them achieve their goals and improve how their communication affects relationships at work.

We often struggle to admit our disowned traits. We might not notice them unless someone points them out under pressure. Even then, we may become defensive because these traits seem justifiable given the circumstances.

The Paradox of Communication

The Paradox of Communication illustrates two primary traits. You can see it on the right.

Being ‘Frank’ is the tendency to be straightforward, direct, to the point and forthright.

Being ‘Diplomatic’ means stating things tactfully so that others can hear them without feeling offended.

Each paradox includes four sub-traits that show a person’s balanced versatility. This means both primary traits are strong or one of the imbalances exists. For example, ‘Forthright Diplomacy’ combines being forthright and respectful at the same time, demonstrating high frankness and high diplomacy.

How you use your communication preferences and which quadrant you are in will affect relationships at work. If you have low frankness and high diplomacy, you may experience a passive imbalance. This can lead others to see you as ‘Evasive.’ That means having the tendency to be tactful without being sufficiently direct. However, if you tend to be frank or direct while lacking diplomacy (high frankness and low diplomacy), many people will see you as having an aggressive imbalance. They may label you as ‘Blunt.’

Some people also ‘Avoid Communication’, showing a balanced deficiency. This means they lack both frankness and diplomacy (low frankness and low diplomacy). In extreme cases, this can lead to frustration. Under pressure, this frustration may flip to either bluntness or evasiveness, depending on the context.

There is plenty of evidence of politicians getting into trouble for their ‘flips’. For example, some people make blunt comments about the public or foreign dignitaries when they think the cameras are off, but microphones are still on. It was also interesting to see how evasive Gordon Ramsay was regarding the financial difficulties and family issues that affected his businesses.

Increasing Self-Awareness

What is your personal tendency? What tendencies do your colleagues have? How do these traits flip under pressure? It is interesting to consider whether you are observing the normal behavioural range of your team. Or are you seeing their flips?

It is important to recognise that many people are under chronic pressure at work and their communication affects relationships at work. It is often the case that their flips are becoming almost normal behaviour. This puts them under immense strain because their communication does not reflect their preferred tendencies.

A number of clients are now using the Harrison Paradox Report to identify their personal strengths and areas for development. For each primary trait that needs development, you can produce a simple report. We also have plenty of resources to provide a clear development plan that can help managers improve themselves or coach their team members.

If you want to explore where you and your managers stand on this paradox and the other eleven paradoxes in the assessment, please contact us at info@talent4performance.co.uk.

Check out the short 150-second video about this paradox on LinkedIn: 
How do people interpret your communication?

David Klaasen

©David Klaasen – November 2016 – 2024