Science is increasingly confirming something ancient wisdom has long understood: if we want to lead well, we need to become more aware of our own thinking. David Rock has described this as learning to think about our thinking. He also refers to it as the skill of accessing your Inner Director.
It matters because leadership isn’t just about what you know. It’s also about what happens in the moment when something goes wrong, somebody disappoints you, or you feel under pressure. Those are the moments when your habitual reactions can take over unless you’re able to pause, notice what’s happening, and choose your response more wisely.
Our brains are wired to protect our status, seek certainty, and preserve autonomy. When any of these feel threatened, we can quickly move into a defensive state: our thinking narrows, we become more pessimistic and we’re less able to reflect clearly. We can also easily start making unhelpful assumptions about other people’s motives.
By contrast, when people experience greater status, more certainty and a stronger sense of autonomy, they’re more likely to think constructively, make useful connections, and solve problems effectively. In practical terms, they’re more resourceful. They’re more open. They’re more likely to take responsibility.
This has important implications for leadership.
It’s very easy to neglect people when things are going well. We’re all busy. There’s always too much to do.
Then, when things go wrong, the temptation is to step in, provide the answer, and move on.
It feels efficient, but in reality it often creates dependence and learned helplessness.
I know many senior leaders who complain that too much of their time is taken up answering questions and solving problems for their people. In many cases, they’ve trained their people to keep coming back for answers. That’s not wise management: it’s lazy management, even if it’s well-intentioned.
Many leaders also carry a hidden assumption that they’re supposed to have the answer. If they don’t, it can feel like a threat to their role or credibility. If someone else proposes a different way forward, that can create uncertainty. If others begin making decisions, that can feel like a loss of control. All of this can trigger a surprisingly strong internal reaction, often below conscious awareness.
Do you recognise any of that in yourself?
Most of us do, if we’re honest.
The real skill is catching yourself early enough.
If you can notice the physical signs of stress as they begin to rise, you have a much better chance of pausing before you react. A few slow breaths, a moment of attention to what you’re actually feeling. Noticing what’s happening in your body. Listening properly to what the other person is saying. Observing their expression, posture, and tone.
This may sound like a small thing, but it gives your brain time to settle. It helps you come back to what’s actually happening, rather than the story you’re beginning to tell yourself about it. And that is often the point at which your Inner Director begins to come online.
Ancient wisdom traditions have long encouraged self-awareness: the capacity to notice what’s real, rather than getting lost in what we’re making things mean.
Stephen Covey wrote about the space between stimulus and response. In leadership, that space matters enormously: it’s where choice lives.
Neuroscience has given us a more contemporary language for part of this process. Buddhism has, for centuries, called it mindfulness: the discipline of paying attention with greater awareness. Whatever language we use, the principle is the same. The more aware we are, the less captive we are to our immediate reaction.
Being more mindful gives you access to your Inner Director. It helps you stand back, reflect, and respond more usefully.
When you want people to be more accountable, more thoughtful and more responsible, it helps to create the conditions in which better thinking becomes possible.
That means paying attention to status, certainty and autonomy.
If someone comes to you with a problem, or something has gone wrong, a good starting point may be something as simple as:
“Can I ask you a few questions to help you think this through?”
That small shift matters. It respects the person, raises autonomy and often lowers defensiveness. And it makes it easier for them to think.
If they’re already stressed because they know something has gone wrong, adding more pressure rarely improves the quality of their thinking. Anger may give a manager momentary relief, but it seldom gives the other person clarity.
Rather than focus on the detail of the problem, the better route is to help the person become clearer about their own thinking. Asking them to state the outcome they want in one simple sentence can help them avoid getting lost in the details and move towards a more constructive way forward. It’s also a good way to help them focus on any of their own subtle thoughts, which may have been inhibited by the cocktail of neurochemicals caused by stress.
In his excellent book Quiet Leadership, David Rock suggests questions such as:
These questions do more than gather information. They help people step back and observe themselves. Not only does that often change the quality of their thinking, it also helps them regain perspective, which in turn strengthens their sense of status, certainty and autonomy.
Like any worthwhile practice, this takes effort.
But there is now a substantial body of evidence suggesting that mindfulness is associated with better wellbeing, greater self-awareness and improved emotional regulation. Studies by Kirk Brown, Professor of Psychology from Virginia Commonwealth University and Richard Ryan, a Professor of Psychology at the University of Rochester have demonstrated that people who practice mindfulness are healthier, happier and less prone to illness.
More importantly for leaders, it can help you become less reactive, more perceptive, and more capable of creating the conditions in which other people can think well.
And that is no small thing.
The key thing to remember is that wise leadership is more than focusing purely on results. You also need to consider how you create results through others. This means creating a climate that helps people grow in judgement, confidence and responsibility, rather than causing them to shrink, comply and depend on you.
How well are you using your Inner Director?
And how often are you helping others to access theirs?
If this way of leading resonates with you, I’d be very happy to hear your thoughts. We also have some simple mindfulness resources, including a recorded relaxation exercise and access to the Mindful Attention Awareness Scale used by Brown and Ryan in their studies, if you’d like to explore this further for yourself or your team.
To discuss any of the ideas in this article, or explore how this approach could strengthen leadership in your organisation, please do get in touch at david@talent4performance.co.uk.
And remember, when it comes to leadership… Stay curious.
David Klaasen
© Talent4Performance 2026
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