This image of a hand holding a sparkler can serve as a metaphor for the process of dealing with criticism. The sparkler represents the individual who is receiving the feedback—small but capable of shining brightly amidst the darkness (symbolising the negative or critical environment).

In this episode, I’d like to talk about ‘The Paradox of Self-Actualisation’ which is one of the 12 behavioural paradoxes developed by Dr. Dan Harrison. It’s the tendency to expand one’s self-awareness and capability through self-appreciation and the intention to improve. Now, a paradox could be described as two statements which seem to be contradictory yet are both true and a behavioural paradox is like two traits which seem to be contradictory, but which are in fact synergistic.

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Self-acceptance

So, if we look at the traits of the paradox of Self-actualization. We’ve got Self-acceptance which is ‘I like myself the way I am’ and Self-improvement ‘I want to get better and have a strong intention to improve myself’.

Self-improvement

However, if we look at this and we look at Self-acceptance and we’ve only got this trait of Self-acceptance with low Self-improvement we may come across as confident and we may think ‘Yeah, we’re grand’ within ourselves but that actually may come across as being a bit self-aggrandising

Defensive

and when people give us feedback, we may dismiss it as like ‘I don’t need to improve’ and that can come across as defensive, or arrogant. Where if we’re very high on self-improvement and we seek to improve ourselves but we’re low on Self-acceptance.

Self-critical

We may actually be overly self-critical and that means that we’re never really good enough and that applies to ourselves but also could apply that no one else is ever good enough other either.

Self-Actualisation

So, it’s about being able to have this balance of Self-improvement and Self-acceptance which come together in ‘Self-Actualisation’, ‘I know I’m not perfect’, ‘I know I need to improve’ but I do appreciate what I’ve achieved so far and that means that I’m open to feedback, I don’t take it personally, I know no one’s perfect and I know that I can willingly take this feedback with a growth mindset and improve and also not beat myself up unnecessarily about it, because I go like ‘Yeah, great! Now I know something, I can move forward.’

So, where are you on this paradox? What are your tendencies? Do you tend to beat yourself up? Or do you tend to dismiss feedback? And where’s the team that you’re working in?

Because when it comes to The Paradox of Self-Actualisation’, it’s important to stay curious!

With best regards,

David Klaasen

Talent4Performance help business leaders clarify complexity. We inspire people and drive continuous performance improvement, so they can convert thinking into action and results.

©David Klaasen – 2022

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