Do you ever feel people aren’t listening to you, especially when you know you’re right? Consider this: When you decide you’re right, the other person must be wrong, which means you are probably not listening to them!
In contentious discussions, people often focus more on being ‘right’ than finding solutions that will benefit the business. Their determination to be heard and to score points becomes a battle for status. In this battle, vital insights and possible solutions are missed. Effective workplace communication involves understanding the dynamics of status in team interactions.
Recent studies show that in the above poorly managed situations, the brain releases a cocktail of neurochemicals like adrenalin and norepinephrine, activating the limbic system. This region of the brain triggers emotions and memories. Once aroused, it thinks very pessimistically and makes accidental connections. This creates a strong ‘fight or flight’ response because it is looking for problems and remembering painful emotions.
In his fascinating book “Your Brain at Work,” David Rock explains that how we feel amongst others is dictated by our perception of Status. Your brain continuously updates complex maps of the ‘Pecking Order’ of people around you. You create a representation of your own and someone else’s status in the brain whenever you communicate, and this influences how you react with others. Changes in status (your perception of the pecking order) bring about changes in how millions of neurons are connected.
An increased sense of status makes us feel wonderful because our brain releases dopamine and serotonin, the happy hormones! Cortisol levels (a marker of stress) decrease, and testosterone levels increase, making us feel strong and confident. This positive combination of happy neurochemicals provides an increase in new brain connections. This improves our awareness of others and increases access to the subtle neural connections that can make us more intelligent and help us live longer.
Conversely, a drop in status feels dangerous. It activates the same brain regions as physical pain. One study showed five different physical pain regions of the brain lighting up when an individual felt a drop in status. A ‘Status Threat’ can make your brain react as if you’re about to be physically harmed.
Think about the unease you feel when someone asks, “Can I give you some feedback?”. Similarly, if you ask a new colleague for an update on a project, it might trigger a threat response: Don’t you trust them? Are you checking up on them? Their threat response could lead to comments that damage the relationship. Even simple questions, like asking someone you manage how their day is going, can carry more emotional weight than you realise!
When giving potentially threatening feedback to someone defensive, try lowering your own status. For example, sharing a time in the past when you had a problem, issue or experience that you had to learn from.
Another useful strategy is to help someone feel that their status has gone up by giving them some positive feedback. This gives them a sense of increasing status and includes all the benefits that come from a nice dose of dopamine and serotonin.
Status is relative and in the eye of the beholder. You can affect your perceived status by finding ways to feel better than others in various aspects. However, this constant comparison can lead to noticing those “better than you,” resulting in status threats and pain.
An alternative is to become more mindful and self-aware. By being mindful, you can focus on becoming better than your ‘former self.’ It’s about acknowledging how you feel about yourself and then doing something positive today that will help you feel better about yourself tomorrow. This approach helps you feel increasing status without threatening others.
Mindfulness, a term gaining popularity in leadership literature, means paying attention to and being fully aware of what you’re experiencing in the moment, with an open and accepting mind. It helps cut through baggage and observe what’s really happening, rather than what you’re making it mean.
I was fortunate to have a Godmother who suggested I learn to meditate when I was a teenager, and I’ve been doing it ever since. Until recently it was considered a rather ‘hippy’ topic. However, now there is ample scientific evidence of its profound benefits, and an increasing number of clients ask me about it.
A great place to start practising mindfulness is with a Body Awareness Meditation. Take a few minutes to observe your breathing and systematically relax your body from toes to head. Regular practice will enable you to become more aware of your experiences and surroundings, allowing you to respond more effectively rather than just reacting to a surge in neurochemicals and emotional triggers.
Access two versions of this basic relaxation meditation, which have been recorded with an ambient soundscape.
The 10-minute version is available here.
The 20-minute version is available here.
In conclusion, understanding the role of status in our interactions and practising mindfulness can significantly improve workplace communication and relationships. By focusing on personal growth rather than competition, and by being more aware of our own and others’ status perceptions, we can create a more collaborative and effective work environment.
If you would like to know more about mindful leadership and how to improve communication, or learn about our robust yet practical approach for improving people performance, please contact us at info@talent4performance.co.uk to arrange a no-obligation call to discuss your needs.
Remember when it comes to Status . . . Stay Curious!
With best regards
David Klaasen
©David Klaasen 2016-2025
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