WATCH: SCARF Relatedness: Why your thoughts are consumed with relationships

Today, I’d like to talk about another element of the SCARF Model developed by David Rock. It’s a great way of understanding the primary threats and rewards that we can experience as human beings. And we know what happens, when we get a threat response, we actually become a little bit stupid. We get narrow-minded and make accidental connections in our brains. And there’re these five triggers. And today I’d like to talk about Relatedness.


Effect of Poor Interrelationship

We are profoundly social beings. And there’s a great book by Matt Lieberman called Social, which talks about many of the aspects of how there are five regions of  our brain that actually work in the background and four of them are four of them are dedicated to our social interactionsAnd another curious aspect is that when interrelationships are poor we actually feel a threat response as if we’re being starved of both food and water, it creates a very deep level of distress.

So how do you need to overcome that with your people? 

At the moment many people are suffering from immense threat response with regards to relatedness living on their own or not being able to see the people they normally see, and as a leader or manager it’s really important that you can interact regularly with people and find ways of doing that, be that via video conferencing, telephone calls, formally, but also informally, giving people an opportunity just to be together and to share. And also it’s important to be aware of your own behaviors because you need to be able to be confident in your own behavior, so that you can help them understand, and be clear about what they’re  expected to do because if you’re stressed in anxious, that’ll come across, they’ll pick it up, it might not be conscious but it will erode their sense of comfort or clarity and it will probably undermine their performance. 

Tuning in your “Inner Director”

Another aspect that I’d like you to think about with regard to  relatedness is your relationship with yourself how well are you tuning in to your ‘Inner Director’, to be able to get that intuitive voice and know what’s the best thing for you to do, for your own well-being.  And one of the key ways to gain access to your Inner Director is to calm things down enough so that you can listen and be intuitive.

And what I like you to do is experiment with the relaxation exercise that I’ve made available for free with this post. So just check out the link and click through.

So, remember when it comes to Relatedness, Stay Curious! 

I would be interested to hear your thoughts and opinions about any of the above so drop me a line at

Or to learn more about our Live-facilitated Online interactive experiences visit our New Webpage.

Remember . . . Stay Curious!


With best regards,

David Klaasen 

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©David Klaasen – 2014